Icarus (1/10)

[million_star]

Title:  Icarus (1/10)

Author: millionstar

Pairing:  Matthew/Dominic - AU

Rating:  This chapter, PG

Here you’ll find:  Fic-wide warnings:  language, smut, angst, substance abuse, secondary character death, homophobia.

Beta/Support: dolce_piccante + others! <3 Special thanks to a long list of people who have read bits of this fic over the last year and been so encouraging. I am afraid to list everyone because I don't trust my brain and I am terrified I will leave someone out. Just know I appreciate you, so much. <3

Summary:  America, 1964.  A young pilot named Dominic is waiting for his chance to touch the stars.

Disclaimer:  I don’t own Muse members, no profit is being made, and every word of this is complete fiction.  The NAA is a fictional organization, based incredibly loosely on the NASA of the same time period.  I don’t claim to have in depth knowledge of rocket science or engineering so creative license has been taken.

Author’s Note:  I decided to go ahead and start posting, seeing as how I have most of this ready.  Not sure how often I will update, but I’d like to say every two weeks.  If you choose to give this a chance, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I hope you enjoy.

Cape Canaveral, Florida

February, 1964

9:23 pm

The apartment was a small one, with few furnishings, and, one could argue, even less character.  Then again, Matthew was not a man of sentiment, or at least, he tried to convince himself of that fact every day.  Where most people would have photos of loved ones in their home, Matthew had framed certificates of academic and professional achievements.  His was not a mind that lived in the aesthetic because it was constantly searching for knowledge.  He used to tell himself that he couldn’t be blamed, really, for not wanting to put down ties in his current situation.  When he’d accepted the job he had done so on the understanding that it was most likely to be simply a temporary situation until a more suitable candidate could be found.

That had suited Matthew well.  He wasn’t looking to make south Florida his home on a long-term basis.  It was humid, dank, and soul-destroying in a way that had always made him a bit sick to his stomach. Fate may have dictated that he be born there, but he would be good and damned before he would make his life there - at least, that was what he used to tell himself.  The job offer paid so well that Matthew had reckoned that within eighteen months he’d have amassed enough savings to head north, somewhere he could start a new life.

Somewhere with snow.  He’d always wanted to experience snow.

Except now, his situation could no longer be described as a temporary one.

Now and then, late at night, he would sit in the dark and contemplate his life - or rather, he would contemplate the man who was now sitting next to him, quietly.  He would consider this man, who had crept into his life almost imperceptibly, and had somehow stolen Matthew’s very soul.  Dominic Howard’s presence in and relationship to the NAA had been what one might refer to as a perk of the job.  The fact that the two of them were both based in the same program seemed like destiny, for those who believed in that sort of thing, at least.  Matthew, for his part, couldn’t believe his luck, and indeed, he and Dominic knew, simply by that first handshake that they shared, that they shared an undeniable connection.  After that day, Matthew could now say that he knew a grand total of two gay men - himself and Dominic.  He had resigned himself to the fact that his would be a life devoid of companionship until the day he met Dominic, until the day that he was born again.

The events that transpired between them on their first night together was a baptism by fire for them both.  They were two men, exploring each other in the most base of carnal manners, guiding each other to bliss in ways neither of them had experienced before.  Given such a singularly cosmic occurrence, it was no surprise that they would become inseparable.

"You heard President Kennedy last year."  Dominic stubbed out his cigarette and took a long pull from his beer, effectively bringing Matthew back to the present.  "'We choose to go to the moon'”, he intonated in a northeastern, Kennedy-esque accent.  “Broad statement, that one.  Thing is, he doesn't choose who gets to go at all, does he?  Mission Central decides that. They're the ones who can make or break a pilot."

Matthew said nothing, content to stare at the moon, high in the sky, as Dominic continued to speak.  He knew by now, after close to two years of quiet companionship, that this was going to be one of those moments when it was best if he simply listened as Dominic released his inner tensions through words.  

It didn't matter that Matthew had heard it all before.  

Actually, Matthew would agree that Dominic had certainly had a lot to be tense about.  The National Aeronautics Administration existed for one single reason:  to get a man to the moon and back home again safely in the next decade.  It was a group of men who had been brought together for a very specific purpose, who worked under intense pressures to ensure that said purpose came to pass no matter what the cost.

Matthew Bellamy had no prior service within the military; he was one of the few civilian employees within the initiative.  Here at the NAA, he served as one of seven science officers, head data analyst and engineer. It was a job that kept him busy with numbers and formulas and bringing the ideas presented to him on paper to fruition.  Rocket science was Matthew’s life.

Dominic Howard had served in the Air Force for nine years, amassing a respectable and impressive list of commendations along the way.  A decorated fighter pilot, he was one of eleven  men hand-picked by Administrator Morgan Nicholls to potentially play a role in the Project Icarus missions.  While waiting to be considered for flight, he spent his time at the NAA training up and coming pilots.    

Simply being chosen for consideration, however, was no guarantee that any of these pilots would definitely make it into space.  That choice was made by a committee of three men within Mission Central headed by Christopher Wolstenholme, retired (and heavily decorated) US Army pilot.  Wolstenholme was nothing less than an American hero, having taken part in seven of the Centauri module missions which preceded the Icarus Initiative.  He was the first American to orbit the Earth successfully, but not without cost.

In his final flight, the Centauri VII module caught fire on liftoff and crashed back onto the launch pad, having only made it about twenty feet off the ground.  The crash did not claim Christopher’s life, but it did rob him of the use of his legs and had rendered him wheelchair-bound.  Dominic and Matthew had both become quite close with Christopher over the last few months.  He was the kind of man who commanded respect, yet encouraged friendship.  Dominic had made the statement to Matthew more than once that the NAA was damned lucky to have Christopher on board.

"I don't intend to be broken," Dominic spat, "not by a bunch of bureaucratic bastards who wouldn't know how to man a capsule if their goddamned lives depended on it.  I want to be that man, Matt, or at least one of the ones who paves the way for someone to make it to the moon safely, who helps us beat the fucking Soviets there.  These Icarus missions are so critical to that end, and so, so important.  And where am I in all of it now?  Waiting.  I'm close, I'm so goddamned close, you know?  What the hell do I have to fucking do?"

Matthew took a deep breath, lighting up a cigarette of his own.  “You’re aware of the process, Dom.  It doesn’t happen overnight.  It didn’t for Bailey, and it didn’t for Anderson.”  Matthew paused, wincing.  He shook his head.  “Shit,” he muttered softly.

At the mere mention of their fallen companions, both of them frowned.

The Icarus Initiative had already claimed the lives of two pilots.  The accident which claimed Pete Bailey had occurred due to technical fault, specifically a lax job of wiring in the Icarus I module which had led to its explosion one clear September afternoon.  It was Matthew, on the job for only three days at that time, who discovered the faulty wiring while examining the wreckage.  Impressed with his intelligence and diligence Administrator Nicholls had, in that very moment, offered Matthew the chance to join the Icarus Initiative in a permanent capacity.  

The incident that took Dominic Anderson’s life on board Icarus II had been, after a year long investigation, attributed to pilot error.  Both delays had given the NAA space program two very prominent black eyes.  The loss of human life was immeasurable, yes, but the occurrences were also an embarrassment in the international community, where the United States were now seen as inept and incompetent.  To those who had dubbed this period in time the “Space Race”, the United States had fallen behind embarrassingly fast, and it was critical that they do whatever necessary to restore the integrity of the NAA.  The clock was ticking with a frantic urgency now, especially as intelligence was coming in on a nearly daily basis that the Soviets were making progress with their own capsules.

Dominic turned to Matthew suddenly.  "I just… I belong up there." he whispered.

"It will happen."

Dominic stood while Matthew was still staring out into the night sky; it was only when he felt the warm touch of Dominic's hand on his neck that he realized Dominic was taking his leave.   He closed his eyes, focusing on the contact.

"I hope so," Dominic replied.   His thumb softly brushed against Matthew's cheekbone, Matthew leaning slightly into Dominic's touch with a shiver.  “Forgive me.  You know how I get, and yet you still put up with me, even when I go on and on like the worst kind of petulant child, or a broken record.  I’m lucky.”  The sound of a door closing nearby made them both jump back from each other as they exchanged a nervous glance, first at each other, then around the courtyard.  

They were safe.  

Nobody had seen.

"I should go."

Matthew's heart sank, but he plastered a look of casual indifference on his face nevertheless.  “You could stay with me.  I can set an alarm for four or five in the morning, you could go back to your place before-"

"We have to be careful.  I'm just across the hall," Dominic reminded him.  "Walk me to the door?"   It was true; Dominic was indeed just across the hall.  The NAA provided housing for all of it’s employees in the Icarus program, and that covered potential flight candidates as well.  The complex Matthew and Dominic lived in, Hangar C, was comprised of twelve extremely tiny apartments.  The men who lived there had their privacy, but only to a point.  It wouldn’t take much for the wrong person to see something between Matthew and Dominic that they shouldn’t see at all.

It would mean immediate termination, simply on the grounds that fraternizing within the corporation was strictly forbidden.  But, more than that, it would be the end of both of their careers in this society that not only disapproved, but disapproved in a singularly violent manner, of homosexuality.  The end result of the predicament that Matthew and Dominic found themselves in was that at most they only felt truly safe sharing a few stolen kisses in the dark.  They occasionally met at a hotel on the outskirts of town for more illicit encounters -  the walls at a cheap motel were much more soundproof.   Dominic had adapted to this arrangement easily, simply happy to be able to be right across a hallway of cheap blue carpeting from Matthew.  Matthew, on the other hand, did not reconcile the situation as well.

Actually, he resented the hell out of it.  Still, he found himself playing along, because he didn't feel as though he had any other choice.

Matthew followed Dominic inside, closing the patio door behind him and pulling the curtains closed.  Dominic put an arm around him, pulling him close now that they were out of sight of potentially prying eyes.  It was only when they found themselves at Matthew's door, in the deepest, darkest recesses of the apartment, that Dominic leaned in for a surprisingly tender kiss that made them both go weak at the knees.  Matthew latched on tightly, his arms winding around Dominic's neck, Dominic's hands clutching Matthew's waist just as firmly.  

When they parted for air, they rested their foreheads together and continued to share heated breaths.   “I love you.  I do.”

“Stay with me,” Matthew repeated.

“Matt, you know that’s not a good idea.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Very little; you’d be surprised.  I only want to be able to wake up next to you for one morning, and I get extremely annoyed when I am constantly told that it’s ‘not a good idea’.”

“Do you think I don’t want that as well?  Please don’t mistake my cautiousness for callousness.  I’m just trying to protect what we have.  You know that.  You know… you know what we could lose.”

Matthew sighed.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.  I wish things were different.”

Matthew nodded, exhaling shakily on a sigh.  "I know.  Good night."

In response, Dominic kissed Matthew's cheek, then his hand.

When he was gone, Matthew rested his head against the closed door and listened, until he could hear he could no longer hear Dominic's footsteps.

Comments

[shuralove.livejournal.com]

At last! So happy to be reading this. Great original premise and I'm looking forward to seeing where this will go.

Great job.

[matturemuser.livejournal.com]

I'm so very pleased to see this up there officially. This promises to be a captivating story. I can't wait to see where you are going to take it. You have done a brilliant job setting the scene and the characters here, not to mention the time in history. Keep it coming sweetie. x

[satisfyingbliss.livejournal.com]

This is goooood. I really like it and can't wait to see what happens next.
Thanks for sharing. <3

[mercury973.livejournal.com]

Such a sad but interesting start. I can't wait to see more.

[tamar elmensdorp-lijzenga (from livejournal.com)]

<3 <3 <3

[hannah-chapter.livejournal.com]

Loving this, getting a real The Right Stuff vibe, which is awesome.

[musequera.livejournal.com]

I was briefly cruising by and saw this. I'll always stop and read anything you post, if I'm around, and this is lovely, and sad, and I guess it will break my heart at some stage, but hopefully it will end with everyone living happily ever after—after a brief moonwalk :P

I love you, my beautiful, and I love everything you write. <3333