The Sexorcist

[million_star]

Title: The Sexorcist

Author: millionstar

Pairing:  Belldom

Rating:   Hard R

Includes:  Language, hints of smut, bastardization of classic horror films, religious themes, crack.

Summary:  Role playing is fun... until you get caught.

Feedback:  Is always appreciated if you are so inclined, but either way, please enjoy.

Disclaimer:  I don't own Muse, no profit is being made, and this is complete fiction.

Beta/Support: Thanks to easilyglorious for looking at bits of this for me while dolce_piccante was on a much deserved break!

Author's Note: For whiteapricot, who is the best thing ever. <3  So sorry it's so late, girl.

On a broken down tour bus at a rest stop in the middle of America on a snowy January evening, two men had just finished a film on a small portable DVD player.

The film credits had barely started to roll when Dominic finally snapped.

"Sometimes I cannot believe the amount of actual, factual shit that you spew.  It's like instead of a mouth, you were given a magical, mystical sphincter that suffers from chronic diarrhea."  Dominic threw yet another piece of popcorn at Matthew and whooped victoriously when it landed squarely on top of Matthew's hair.

Matthew calmly reached for the piece of popcorn and popped it into his mouth.  Dominic cringed when this happened because he was pretty certain that Matthew had very recently scratched his balls with that hand and had not washed it yet.  But really, he supposed Matthew'd had worse things in his mouth... about three hours ago, actually.

But that's another story.

"I spend the duration of The Exorcist giving you some impressive commentary and you don't even appreciate it?!  And, I don't even know what you're fucking whining about.  It's not even that scary."

"Oh my god, fuck you, Matt, you were cringing just as much as I was through the whole thing.  For someone who claims not to believe in these things, you were a bit of a pussy, especially when she did that spider walk thing down the stairs.  You nearly pissed yourself."

"You don't believe either."

"Well, no, but I have a healthy respect for these things, you know?"

"Whatever.  Still... it's kinda hot, isn't it?"

"Are you stoned and just not sharing or something?  Are you holding out on me?"

Matthew rolled his eyes.  "No, I mean the priest outfit.  The getup.  I could rock that, I reckon."

"Let me be clear.  Are you actually suggesting that we get down to some roleplay based on The Exorcist?  Is that what's happening here?  I just want to be sure I understand the situation properly when I have you committed."

"You can not tell me that the outfit doesn't make you hot," Matthew argued, raising one eyebrow to make his point.

"Yeah.  I kinda dig it too," Dominic admitted, extremely curious to see where Matthew was going with this because, honestly, he was horny again and if it meant getting laid it just might be worth it to play along with this.

As long as he didn't have to look at himself in the mirror for a week or so once they were done, that is.

"Think about it, though.  What if you had a demon inside you and it needed to be wrought out with divine and holy power, so as to free your tortured soul?  I'd be doing you a fucking favor, Dom."

"A demon inside me," Dominic repeated, amused beyond measure.

"Honestly, the more I think about it, it makes a lot of sense.  It could even explain your fashion choices and general behavioural traits.  Like, it's a demon who is fond of leopard print, brie and posting pictures on Instagram."

"That would be the lamest demon in the history of... history, Matt."

Matthew stretched and climbed into Dominic's lap, locking his fingers together around Dominic's neck.  "That's how they start out, but then, Dom, over time, they morph into something truly terrifying and malevolent, and then one day I wake up and you've cut my balls off or something."

"I threaten to cut your balls off every day."

"Exactly.  See?  You're getting worse.  Time to take action."

"Soooo," Dominic began, biting Matthew's lower lip, "divine and holy power, yeah?  Is that what comes out of your dick these days?"  His hand snaked between them, squeezing Matthew's crotch tightly.  "And what if Chris hears?"

"It's a weapon of mass salvation, my child," Matthew smirked, helping Dominic out of his clothes.  "And Chris & Tom just went to get something to eat at that restaurant across the street.  We'll hear them if they get back on board."

Twenty-one minutes and seventeen seconds later

"You weren't supposed to be back that quickly!" Matthew whined.

"I needed my coat, simple as that.  And, I'm not the one on trial here, may I remind you.  Do you remember the Document, gentlemen?" Christopher asked calmly, inspecting his fingernails.

Matthew and Dominic cringed.

"Or, more importantly, do you remember which part of the Document that you are in violation of tonight?"

Dominic raised his hand, as though he were head student in his class. "Ooh!  I know this.  Clause One."

"Remind me, Dom, what does Clause One state?"

"That we aren't allowed to... well, 'have sexy fun of any kind' on the bus anymore.  This was enacted after The Great Lube Horror of 2009, when we accidentally ruined your brand new laptop," Dominic cited perfectly.

Matthew shook his head at Dominic, rolling his eyes mightily as he spat, "Fucking kissass."

"And what were you doing when I walked in, hmm?"

Four eyes met the floor, but only for a moment, as Christopher sat down in the floor in front of Matthew and Dominic.  He crossed his arms, his head tilting to one side as he assessed the situation in front of him.

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

Dominic flinched first, and Christopher was amused to see that the drummer's face was a deep shade of scarlet.  He mumbled something unintelligible and sighed, but Christopher was having none of it.  He crossed his legs and smiled as he made himself comfortable in his seat.

"Nope, not that easy.  I want you to fucking.  Say.  What.  You.  Were.  Doing.  I want you to give voice to it.  If I have to take that image of extreme horror and permanent emotional damage to my grave, it's only fair that you get to endure some humiliation of your own.  Now, what was it, Matt, remind me, what was it you were screaming while you were..." Christopher shuddered, "fuck, I can't even say it."

Matthew bit his lip and closed his eyes.  "You were there," he replied meekly, "you heard."

"Say it."

Matthew looked to Dominic for help, but was out of luck, for Dominic himself looked like he was about to vomit.

"It's the power of spunk!  The power of my dick compels you!" he whispered, mortified beyond reason.

Christopher snorted.  "And you, Dom?  You gonna say it or not?"

"What an excellent day for a fuckorcism!"

"The worst part of all this is that now, I can never watch that movie again without thinking of this.  It means, however, in agreement with the Document that you both signed, that you each owe me a thousand fucking pounds."  Christopher shuddered, grabbing his jacket and exiting the bus.

Matthew and Dominic sat there quietly for a moment, still each wrapped in a sheet. It was only when the bus door closed that they fell back onto the cramped bed and released the breaths that they hadn't realized they'd been holding.

"He's wrong, though," Dominic grumbled.

"How so?"

"The worst part of all this is that neither of us got to come."

Matthew grinned, pouncing on Dominic.  "We'd better be fast, then."